Pancakes & Popstars
by guylinergirl
Summary: Written for an English project. Put on here only in boredom. When the director of their new music video is murdered, Joe and Nick Jonas must solve the case. Kevin, on the other hand, is just looking for the world's biggest pancake.


_'Fights on JB's "Video Girl" Video?'_

_'Jonas Brothers Fed Up with Music Vid Director.'_

_'''Video Girl" Video…will it ever happen?'_

"Great." Joe Jonas sighs, looking at the stack of magazines their publicist got for them this morning that are now plopped on his lap. "More stupid tabloid headlines about us."

"Seriously?" His younger brother Nick asks in disbelief, continuing to strum on his guitar. "What do they say now?"

"That we keep fighting with Dan."

"Who knows? Maybe we are!" Their older brother Kevin says, looking up from his intense game of Mini Guitar Hero.

Nick and Joe glare at him with concerned looks on their faces.

"Kev….seriously….think about what you just said!"

"I'm just saying!" He shrugs. "Maybe we all have Multiple Personality Disorder and fight with him and don't even remember it!"

"Sure…" Nick says sarcastically. "That makes sense…"

"C'mon guys, we're at the set." Joe says as the three of them climb out of their limo, not even noticing the blaring ambulances surrounding them.

* * *

"I'm just saying….I think Spock is_ way_ cooler than Darth Vader!" Kevin argues randomly with one of the interns as everyone walks into the set. "Woah…"

Joe, Nick, and Kevin suddenly take in their surroundings. Police officers and ambulance drivers are swarmed across the room, and that yellow 'Do Not Cross' tape is circled across it. A few of the police officers are past the yellow tape, looking around at every little detail. Two men from the ambulance are rolling a body outside on a stretcher.

Joe automatically recognizes the body. The dorky-looking face, the overly-curly brown hair. "Oh my god. Guys, it's Dan."

"Psh. No it's not!" Kevin says naively. "Dan wouldn't be murdered. That's just probably…a stunt double!"

Ignoring Kevin's comment, Nick and Joe walk over to the closest police officer. "Excuse me, sir. Is Dan okay?"

"I'm afraid not, guys." The police officer answers in his deep voice.

"What happened?"  
"One of the set designers came in this morning. Found Dan lying across the floor, with a bullet in his skull and multiple cuts and bruises on his arms. There was blood everywhere. But don't worry, we've got it almost cleaned up, so you guys can just keep shooting your video."

"Yeah. Not exactly easy when you don't have a director." Joe mutters underneath his breath as he and Nick walk away.

"What'd you say, kid?" The police officer asks from behind them.

"Nothing!" Joe says happily. "Thank you for your help!"

"What are we supposed to do?" Nick asks. "Our director's dead!"

"We need to do something, that's for sure!" Joe says.

"Yeah!" Kevin agrees. "Wait…about what?"

"DUDE!" Nick says, whacking his head. "There's this thing inside your head. It's called a _brain_. You should think about using it sometimes…"

"Guys! Guys!" One of the producers shouts as she runs into the room. "I have bad news! Dan's murder is already all over Hollywood. And guess who's getting blamed?"

"That creepy doll-thingy in all of those scary movies?" Kevin asks.

Joe glares at him. "First of all, that's Chucky. And he's not real. And second of all, who?"

"You guys." She answers bluntly.

"What?" All three of them ask in unison. "Why would _we_ commit a murder?"

"Well, there's been all of those rumors going around about you guys getting mad at Dan. Who knows, you might have taken it too far…."  
"That's insane!" Joe says. "We would never…oh great, guess what this is gonna do to our reputation?"

"What?" Kevin asks.

"That was a rhetorical question, Kev." Nick replies, then turning to Joe. "You're right Joe, we need to figure this out. We need to find out who really killed Dan, if we want to save our rep."

"Ooh! We need to get our thinking caps on! I'll be right back, I need to go get mine!" Kevin says stupidly, running towards the door.

* * *

"Okay, first things first, we…."

"We need a suspect!" Kevin blurts out.

"…not what I was thinking, but I guess it's worth a shot. Got anyone, Kevin?"

"Hmm…." He thinks for about twenty seconds. "Ooh! That Mr. Pancake guy!"

"What?" Nick asks.

"Who knows? Dan could've hated pancakes, and Mr. Pancake might've gotten mad and killed him!"

Joe glares at Kevin. "That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard!"

"No it's not! Ooh, I'm gonna go investigate right now! I need to find….the World's Largest Pancake! That'll help!"

"How…?"

"Mr. Pancakes probably going there for vacation, duh! I need to go find it right now!"

"You go do that, Kev." Nick sighs as Kevin runs out of the room. "Are you sure he's even related to us?"

"Mom and Dad claim he is, so let's just agree with them for now!" Joe shrugs. "Let's try looking around and see if we find anything."

They look around at the now-cleared room, climb past the yellow tape, and glance around.

Suddenly, Joe trips over something, causing him to crash to the ground. "Ow…what the hell was that?"

Nick bends over and picks the round plastic thing up. "….Hannah Montana lip gloss…" He pauses, remembering the cold, heart-broken days he spent with Miley Cyrus as his girlfriend. "…..creepy."

"Okay, that tells us two things. Either our kidnapper's a girl, or an incredibly gay guy." Joe assumes, getting up off of the ground. "Let's keep looking."

Seconds later, Nick stumbles upon something else. He holds up a plain silver chain with a diamond-studded 'M' charm on it.

"Wow.…." Joe says, noticing something else on the necklace. "Hey, look at this."

He pulls a strand of long blonde hair off of the necklace. He and Nick stare at it in disbelief.

"I think I know who our murderer is." Joe says.

"Oh god, please tell me we're not gonna do something stupid…" Nick moans.

* * *

"'The Washed-Up Popstars Club'…." Nick says, reading the sign Joe scribbled in purple Sharpie outside the window. "…Yeah, that's not stupid at all!"  
"C'mon, we know Miley. She'll be stupid enough to believe this is real." Joe admits as he sits behind the table.

"Yeah, you're probably right…." Nick agrees. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Nick goes to the door and immediately slams it. "Uh…sorry Britney….you read the sign wrong! It says the 'Washed-up _Poptarts_ Club'….yeah, sorry…say hi to K-Fed for me!"

Nick turns back to Joe. "Dude….that was scary!"

"Just live with yourself. You-know-who will come eventually…"

"Who will come eventually?" An annoying, off-pitch, country-accented voice asks from behind Joe.

Nick and Joe both turn around. "Whoa!" The say in unison. "When…..when did you get here, Miley?"

"Uh…when I saw the sign….and I, like,….came in! Duh! So, what do we do in this club anyway?"

"We'll show you…" Joe threatens. Nick flicks the lights off, and Joe turns on the desk lamp sitting on the table. He shines it in Miley's face.

"We know you did it, Miley. You can't hide any longer. We know you killed Dan."

"What? I…I..no! I never killed that guy! I've never heard that name before in my life!"

"Hmm….are you missing something, Miley?" Joe asks. "Anything important to you that you just can't seem to find?"

"No....not really."

"Really?" Joe asks. "Maybe…some type of jewelry?" He looks over to Nick, who pulls the necklace out of his pocket and dangles it in her face.

"Oh yeah, my Miley necklace." She says, snatching the necklace from his hands. "I'd been wondering where that'd gone. Thanks, Nick!"

"Where did you lose it?" Nick asks.

"Nowhere…"

"Oh really….because _we_ found it on our music video set. And, we also found a lock of blonde hair next to it, and some splattered blood here and there…"

"Really? That's strange!"

"Miley, you killed our director and you know it. Admit it right now."

"Never!"

"So that means you did, right?" Nick asks.

Miley starts…crying, actually. "Okay, fine. Yes. Yes, I killed your director person. But it was an honest mistake. It was an accident."

"How can you accidentally kill someone?" Joe asks.

"Actually, I'd come there to kill _Nick._" She admits.

Nick freezes right where he is. "You where going to_ kill_ me?!"

"Yeah." She confesses. "You broke my heart so much, I couldn't stand to see you alive. I needed to kill you."

"Sure….this isn't creepy at all…" Nick whispers sarcastically to Joe.

"Okay, that's all we needed to know." Joe says to Miley. "Security!"

Big Rob immediately appears out of the shadows and tackles Miley.

"You know what to do." Joe says as Big Rob carries Miley off to her fate.

Nick and Joe look at each other and laugh. "Oh, how the tables have turned." They say in unison, giving each other a high-five.

* * *

And yet, to this day, Kevin Jonas has still never found the World's Biggest Pancake.

* * *


End file.
